Categories


30ish Going on 13

The Ambivalent Consultant

You were so ambivalent. To talk. To meet. To everything. I should have taken this as a sign. And yet, I thought, why not. Take the reins. It's 2018. What's stopping me from taking the lead. You seemed interesting.

And you were. You had called me up the morning of our agreed date to rain check on me or at least delay the "date" to the next day because of something or other. But. You. Called. Me. On. The. Phone. In today's day and age, I don't think I've ever gotten a phone call and to ask me out and this was to delay plans, but still. It was unnerving, but definitely interesting. How low have my standards gone. 

And so on a Sunday afternoon, I meet you for coffee and of all the places available, we have coffee in between two tables that seem a little too close to us. You were definitely interested in learning about where I was from and how the culture was different or interesting. And how islands were pronounced and how the natural accent of my people was.

At times, I wasn't sure if you were pulling my leg but your sincerity and interest in my heritage and culture was something new, for sure. I couldn't tell whether you were actually interested in getting to know me or anything.

I had booked a yoga class right after this date so that I would have an excuse to be somewhere else in case things turned south but the date continued on to the next store where we ate a snack and talked a bit more and the conversation was nice and flow-y, but just not what I was expecting (i.e. the usual getting to know you).

It was getting late despite yoga being forgotten, you walk me to the bus stop. And though there was no indication that you wanted to see me again, I did a bit of a sense check. Did you have fun? I did. kind of. Did you want to see me again maybe? And you threw the question back at me. And honestly, I don't think I knew the answer. I go home  feeling ok about the ambiguity and ambivalence of the entire afternoon, chalking this to up to I don't know what but a story to tell.

Fast forward to this week. We had spoken about your job and how we had offices in the same building. But you were never in that building because your projects kept you in some other building. And lo and behold. I'm coming back up from a late lunch and I see you. In the lobby. Of my office building. 

We say hi. hello. It was nice/shocking to see you, but the ambivalence is still there. And then I remembered why I never heard from you after that afternoon coffee. And it was alright.

Ep 4: The Full Circle

Ep 3: The Anti-Chill Secret Crazy Movement